AAllow me to recount with complete truth my escape from Korea.
I awoke that morning something was strange. The air smelled more of death than it normally did. Like something I would imagine from a bad zombie movie. My thoughts immediately shot to the possibility that Mrs. Lee and her lackeys had caught onto my plan to go home.
It was time for action. Like any good American I brought my guns, all of them. I loaded up and set up my beacon for my children to hone in on me and come to my aid. Immediately I heard a scratching at the bathroom door. I unloaded the first round of the day into the door at face level. I found my roommate lying dead on the other side. Whether he was a zombie or not I’ll never know, better not to risk such things.
Soon the team was assembled. Leo was given command of the kindergartners with Tony as his second in command. Jenny and Joseph took leadership of the elementary students, while my three S(uper) students the oldest each armed themselves with RPG’s and a sidearm. I could hear the groaning of the dead alive shuffling beneath my balcony spilling into the stairway of my apartment building. I knew then it was too late to save the old couple that ran the restaurant across the street. I vowed revenge on the cursed witch Holly from the Gong-Seo school, her necromancy was strong and acted faster than I had expected. Mrs. Lee was not going to make this easy.
I shot my zip line to the roof of club 69, taking great joy in destroying the neon sign that kept me up late at night. As my munchkin force and I made our way hand over hand to the other side of the line I could see the Canadians, hockey sticks raised high making a valiant last stand at the house. Dahee, Jin-zoo, and Sungbin at my order attached their emergency lines to the zip cord flipped over to take their RPG’s in hand and let loose clearing a path for the Canadians to the road. It was the best I could do from here for them. I dared only to hope they would find transportation easier once they got there. Like a bat out of hell the survivors turned their skates and fled the house, Andrew and Jordan raised their sticks in thanks. I knew that I had given them a fighting chance. The rest was up to them.
The children and I resumed our ascent. The elementary kids made it there first. I heard the distinct sound of unsheathing blades. The doom brigade lead by Mrs. Lee’s foul nephew Edward was waiting for us. My kids had been trained well though, they fought them back from the ledge so the K’s could open up with automatic weapon fire to push them back off the roof down to the waiting teeth and grip of Holly’s hoard below on the streets. That skirmish did not leave us without a wound, we had lost Kate to the brigade and Ryan to a misfire. We all knew it wouldn’t be easy, but it still hurts. Jin-zoo called in the helicopter. Aaron and Tracy who had escaped Mrs. Lee brainwashing practices by quitting their jobs came in with the Black Hawk. Another contingent of the brigade however had set up anti air missiles on the other side of the street from the windows of Party Bar.
I mourned the loss of my favorite local haunt to the forces of evil and threw out two screen grenades. Their anti-missile counter measures spread out in a web like fashion causing the missiles to veer off course randomly. One or two of them collided into the side of Club 69 causing the building to shudder under the stress of the explosions. We loaded the Black Hawk hastily and took off. We noticed a airport limo bus with a hastily raised Canadian flag heading towards Gimpo airport.
I gave the order to Tracy to roll back around to Itae-won. A dangerous use of time but I needed to see for myself how far the hoard had gotten. As we flew over the city towards the once beloved foreigner district all I could see was a sea of humanity tearing each other limb from limb. Some brave souls were making stands in various buildings as we passed over, Tony from E-squad offered his help with the mini gun of the Black Hawk. The liquid fire that spewed forth tore the creatures apart but any holes were quickly filled with more and more of the monsters. It was almost serene how it looked like a normal day, if not for the blood it would just be a hoard of normal people, men dressed in pink, women dressed in skirts that would make a nun scream, and old ladies who had backs permanently fixed at a right angle.
The helicopter swooped back around, and we passed over Mok-Dong, the den of evil. Ms. Lee’s sanctuary, I knew it was a long shot but I had to see if the newbi’s were still alive. I attached the safety line to my belt and swung out of the Black Hawk. I landed with a thud and the roof was clear. I didn’t have time to pick the lock so I just blew it open with a prepared c4 charge. The door shattered and the pieces slid down the stairs obviously alerting anyone inside to my presence. With all haste I made my way to the 5th floor. Still the halls were silent as I approached the glass door. The serenity of the scene was shattered however when a high pitched focus wave of sonic energy shattered the doors as I grabbed the handle. I was tossed back against the closed elevator door, leaving a large Dave shaped dent in it. I clattered to the ground unceremoniously and looked up from my daze to see Lily her once black hair now white with age imposed by what ever process allowed her to emit that wave. Dressed in some sort of outfit you’d find only on comic book villainesses she sauntered forward with uncharacteristic confidence. I knew it was all over for her, I fingered the trigger of my P90 and waited for her to get to that perfect range where all 50 rounds could never miss. Before I even got my arm halfway up the gun was knocked from my hand by another sonic wave emitted from a earth shattering scream she let out.
I thought that was the end. I remembered all the things that brought me to Korea, the selfish reasons, the wanting to see new places, new things, new people, meet more women than I could ever do back home. These things had brought me to my doom at the hands of some evil old woman and her henchmen. Specifically this girl who I met and felt so bad for, never having had any experience in the sort of job she was persuaded to do and thrown head first into a pool of gossip, whining, and bossy westerners. I went for my last resort device, if I was going down I was going to take as much of Mrs.Lee precious property with me. Just before I could flick the switch on my belt though I heard a the flow of water and the growl of a bear, it was the wonder twins! Ashley and Tom had arrived just in the nick of time and no amount of banshesque screaming from Lily could stop a grizzly bear being swept along by a torrent of rushing water from the elevator!
Lily went down with a scream underneath the weight of Ashley in her mighty bear form. I couldn’t believe my luck! Then came Phil with his mighty hammer having leapt from the streets to come in through the window of the hall way. With a scream of “Phildo!!� he let loose the mighty clobbering implement on the Korean helper hoard as they poured out of the class rooms. Old ladies with berserker strength to match that of Mr.Universe were nothing against Phil and the training he had received from his Cossack comrade Vlad! All those hours in the gym could not have hurt to.
That answered my question about the newbi’s how ironic that they were to save me instead of I saving them. Still two were missing. Brienne and Lea. Where were they? Distracted by some other foe? It clicked then, after clearing up the Korean helpers and forcing Lily to take flight we made our way to the evil queens office. Indeed there were our last two comrades battling my replacement that Mrs.Lee had preemptively hired. Teagan, her name and the disgusted look I recalled when I first met her still etched into my vision. She had Brienne and Lea by the throats and try as they might she was just too strong. Phil opened up with a throw of his hammer smashing straight into her, but with a thud his hammer clamored to the ground. Ashley and Tom took the form of enough water to submerse her and a electric eel. With one wave of her hand she dispersed the water and sent them both flying against the wall.
What good could I hope to do, a P90 and a few grenades were not going to be a match for her. Another explosion rocked the building and after the smoke cleared I saw my students all with their respective weapons pointed throw from the black hawk. Ashley and Tom set to work with cheetah like speed Ashley grabbed Brienne and Lea from the rubble and hid behind Tom who was now and ice wall with Phil and I. The next minute and a half was filled with gunfire and explosions. When finally Phil dared to look from behind our cover a good portion of the building had been blown away. Teagan was gone. Defeated or not we didn’t stick around to find out. Back to the roof we went and all boarded the Black Hawk.
I dared to think that the danger was over. We arrived at Gimpo to hijack an airliner. We found the rest of the Canadians holed up in one of the terminals. Swooping by those that could jumped from the helicopter and began to ran. I heard the horrible whine of a missile fired from the east, and then saw in horror as those who didn’t make it off the black hawk in time were lost in a fire ball. No time for salutes however we pressed on, not just the teachers, Leo, Tony, Jin-soo, Da-hee, and myself.
In a rather anti-climactic ending it seems that we had eluded the L bomb with not going directly to the air port. After a quick blood bath through the air port zombie staff we made it to an American airlines 747 and took off for Japan.
The land of the morning calm seemed so peaceful as I watched it fade away in the background. I knew however that Lily, Holly, and Mrs.Lee were lurking somewhere. I was certain that was not the last time I would hear of….
Kid’s Kollege.